I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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