of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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