The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
