i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
time to smoke my breakfast
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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