I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
