i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
