does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
