I hate your face
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
