you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
