it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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