i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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