I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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