I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
