I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
