When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
