Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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