The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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