then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
