it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
