im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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