I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
