margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
