You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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