Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
