his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
What a dumb baby whore.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
