according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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