I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
