You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
