she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
