Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
