my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
