there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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