You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
