I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
