So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
