Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
