Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
