I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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