Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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