Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
