You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
