what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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