Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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