i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
