Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If its not for food we ain't going out.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
