my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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