like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
