I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
