i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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