theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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