Got a toothbrush?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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