i permit you to call me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
